Magnolia trees The Danny Sims Blog

Here are my occasional insights, stories, conversations, perspectives, ideas, reflections, theological musings. And whatever else I might post.

Monday, February 21, 2022

I Was The Faultfinder

Of all the changes in my life, choices that have unshackled what bound me and given me freedom and joy, this might be number one. I'm not complete, but I'm moving forward, one day at a time.

I once was “the faultfinder” and am so thankful I woke up. Kudos to my wife and kids who were patient with me and helped me.

Today’s entry in “For Today” is so great. A portion is below.

I still have a few faultfinders in my world. Irony is, naming them as such is, in and of itself, finding fault. But take caution because faultfinders can present serious relationship challenges.

If it was raining $20s faultfinders would complain it wasn’t $50s! I was in conversation with a serial critic, someone I've been close to most of my life. He was naming a few of my character flaws. So I described my commitment to change and my growth as a result of work in a 12 Step Program. His reaction? He belittled my recovery experience and named more of my failings, ones I hadn't mentioned.

I didn't argue. I told him he was right, and there were even more. That was it. Sadly we don't talk any longer. I awoke to the reality he is what I once was. Of course for so many years I didn't see it. And I have no idea if he sees it or cares. But now it is so clear to me.

My advice: make your own change. All you can fix is you.


“The faultfinder will find faults even in Paradise.” Henry David Thoreau

Finding fault is a habit, like having to be right, or telling people what to do. As a faultfinder, I can be on the offensive and no one has a chance to criticize me. Finding fault is easy; a child can do it, particularly a tired, cross, frustrated child.

Chronic faultfinding is a flaw in my own makeup, and has nothing to do with people and things outside myself. It is a habit that needs the scrutiny of a personal inventory and a good step-five airing.

For today: Growth in the program allows me to see with new eyes: feeling good about myself makes me less critical of myself and others.

 FOR TODAY, Overeaters Anonymous, Rio Rancho, NM, 1982, February 21 entry, page 56.